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Friday, January 28, 2022
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James Schlarmann

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New Age Self-Help Guru Dead At 900

DAGOBAH -- New age guru and holovangelist...

Galaxy Celebrates “Just Another Random, Meaningless Day” Day

It's the fourth day of the fifth...

Grievous Reminds Droids to Update Anti-Virus Software Before Shore Leave to Avoid Clanker Sores

"I once had a clanker sore that...

Darth Shapiro Slams Conviction of Stormtrooper Who Kneeled on Jedi’s Neck for Over Nine Minutes

"You could tell by looking at him...

Chief Imperial Designer Defends Decision to Issue Stormtroopers Helmets With Removable Blindfolds

"I'm sorry, but I just don't foresee...

Emperor Palpatine: ‘Why Is No One Talking About The Violent Alt-Left Jedi?’

"One of them cut my boy Maul clean in two," Palpatine said, "and am I just supposed to ignore that?" - The Emperor

You Can’t Tell the Difference Between an E-11 and an EE-3 Rifle And You Want Blaster Control?!

The following is a letter to our...

Empire Institutes Noise Ordinance Limiting How Many Voices Can Cry Out at Once

"I will come to your planet and...

Stormtrooper Claims She Was Reaching for Stun Baton When Her Blaster Rifle Killed Moisture Farmers

"This is standard operating procedure while we help the trooper involved in the shooting create his or her excuse and then manufacture the documentation to back it up."
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