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Saturday, October 23, 2021

Bib Fortuna Conway’s Daughter Auditions for Imperial Idol

CORUSCANT — Bib Fortuna Conway, former adviser to Donald The Hutt, became known for how easily she let herself lie on behalf of her grotesque, vile, gangster boss. Now, though, she’s trying to rehabilitate her image and the Twi’lek major domess is getting an assist from the Imperial Broadcasting Corporation tonight.

At 8pm Coruscant Standard Time, Fortuna Conway’s daughter Claudia Fortuna Conway will be featured on tonight’s episode of “Imperial Idol,” the singing competition show. IBC producers assured the public that her mother’s status and notoriety will play no part in whether she is passed through to the next round of the show. They did tease, however, that viewers will “want to tune into this must-see holo-programming.”

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“IBC is excited to announce that none other than Claudia Fortuna Conway, daughter of Bib Fortuna Conway, will make her Imperial Idol debut on tonight’s episode,” the press release announcing the episode states. “Maybe she can sing, maybe she can’t. Either way, we’re gonna get super high ratings out of it, and isn’t that all that matters in the galaxy?”

Not much is known about Claudia Fortuna Conway’s audition, but the preview for the episode divulges that her mother will at least make an appearance. This morning Bib Fortuna Conway appeared on the Sleemo Hannity show and promoted her daughter’s appearance.

“What kind of monster would I be if I was using my teenage daughter’s singing talents to rehab my horrible reputation after working for one of the biggest scumbags in the galaxy,” Fortuna Conway asked the show’s host. “No, I mean, really. Tell me how badly people will think of me if I do that…because I’m literally doing that.”

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“Imperial Idol” is in what feels like it’s 3000th season.

MORE: Dear Abbi-Wan: When Is It Okay to French Kiss Your Brother?


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.