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Friday, January 28, 2022

You Can’t Tell the Difference Between an E-11 and an EE-3 Rifle And You Want Blaster Control?!

The following is a letter to our editorial staff, sent to us from a resident of the planet Corellia. We have chosen to reprint their letter to us, in its entirety. The views and opinions expressed therein, however, do not necessarily reflect those of this outlet, it’s staff, or ownership.

To the ORN Editorial Board,

I write today to inform you that upon finishing a recent editorial in your publication, I felt compelled to write in and provide an alternative view of the issue. In the article, entitled, “How Many Academy Shootings Do We Need Before We Get Some Blaster Control?,” your editorial board argues that we have reached a tipping point and the galaxy needs some reforms and regulations in relation to who can own a blaster.

MORE: Stormtrooper Claims She Was Reaching for Stun Baton When Her Blaster Rifle Killed Moisture Farmers

An EE-3 blaster rifle.
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As someone whose job requires him to use a blaster, I must say I find this proposal offensive. How dare you not take my feelings into account when I clearly love guns more than you anyway? Do I know have a right to defend myself and/or use my blaster to hunt down targets and bring them to anyone who pays me the right price? What I find particularly galling is that your editorial board clearly doesn’t know blaster rifles and their specs well enough to truly have an informed opinion on whether plucking low hanging legislative fruit should be done in order to keep kids safe from blaster bolts when they attend their various schools and academies.

Your article referred to the use of an EE-3 rifle by the shooter in the most recent school shooting incident on Dantooine. However, those of us who cradle guns between our loving arms every single day couldn’t have been more amused. Everyone knows the shooter used a standard-issue Imperial E-11! 

An E-11 blaster rifle

How can someone who doesn’t know the difference between an E-11 and an EE-3 have any opinions on the subject? How can someone who doesn’t know the intimate technical specs of a blaster know whether we should do anything about kids being shot by them? 

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I expect better from you lot. Do better. Or I’ll be forced to come talk to you about this matter PERSONALLY.



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