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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Transphobic, Empire Sympathizing Former Shock Trooper Booted From New Republic Rangers

HOSNIAN PRIME — The New Republic Rangers, a brand new branch of service, announced that Cara Dune has been expelled from their ranks after social media holo-transmissions of hers were discovered in which she mocked transgender people, sympathized with the Empire, and cast doubts on the need to wear a mask that provides oxygen while out in the middle of space.

In a brief statement, the New Republic Rangers call Ms. Dune’s transmissions “abhorrent” and state under no uncertain terms she is no longer a member. The Rangers chastised the transmissions that they viewed as “denigrating lifeforms” because of their “cultural and religious identities.”

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“Cara Dune is not currently a member of  The New Republic Rangers and there are no plans for her to be in the future,” the Rangers’ announcement reads. “Nevertheless, her social media holo-transmissions denigrating people based on their cultural and religious identities are abhorrent and unacceptable.”

It’s unclear at this time if Cara Dune will remain the marshal of the planet Nevarro. During the Galactic Civil War, Dune had been a shocktrooper in service of the Rebel Alliance. Her past service record made it all the more baffling that she’d send holo-transmissions defending Emperor Palpatine’s sycophantic Sith cult, stating they were just “people with differing political ideologies.”

“I don’t know about all that,” Greef Karga, one of Dune’s associates told us, “but I kept telling her that she should at the very least keep in mind that she had a very large audience and some of her holo-transmissions weren’t just controversial, they were mean and vicious attacks on a minority group. She’s a big girl; she should take her comeuppance like and adult and at the very least apologize for being so insensitive.”

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Ms. Dune will appear on One Imperial News and do a sit-down interview with Schmucker Tarlsyn, that network’s star host, and explain her side of the story later this weekend.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.