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Monday, May 16, 2022

Grievous Reminds Droids to Update Anti-Virus Software Before Shore Leave to Avoid Clanker Sores

“I once had a clanker sore that I left unchecked, and well, you can all see how that played out…” – General Grievous

General Joh’sif R. Grievous recorded a new video for troops in the Separatist droid army, reminding them that before they go on shore leave, they need to make sure their anti-virus definitions are completely up to date.

“No droid wants to come back to their flagship with a raging clanker sore,” Grievous warned. “I once had a clanker sore that I left unchecked, and well, you can all see how that played out in how often you’ve seen me without my armor and breathing apparatus. Clanker sores are very real, and do a lot more than put a bug in your intercourse programming!”

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Grievous implored the battle droids under his command to use their “logic circuits” and take care of their anti-virus pattern updates before taking scheduled shore leave.

“Every one of you is entitled to your R and R time,” Grievous said. “Just remember that you can have a lot more relaxation in your algorithms when you have the peace of mind knowing you won’t get it on with some local Budonkadonk droid and end up having to have a very uncomfortable conversation with your spousal unit when your tour ends.”

Gen. Grievous addresses his droid army’s safety during shore leave.

Separatist medic droids estimate that approximately 23% of battle droids who return to their capital ship after shore do so having contracted the Droid Papilloma Virus which causes clanker sores. Developers are constantly working to keep the droids’ anti-virus software up to date to stay ahead of DPV’s mutations. However, many droids forget to update their virus definitions before taking shore leave, and then come into contact with a carrier of the virus.

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“I implore you — think of your fellow droids, and keep your antivirus patterns up to date BEFORE you take your much-deserved leave,” Grievous begged. “Protecting yourself OFF the battlefield is just as important as it is ON the battlefield!”

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