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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Darth Shapiro Blasts Lando Calrissian for ‘Normalizing Human-Cyborg Relations’

Darth Shapiro: “The Force Doesn’t Care About Your Feelings.”

CORUSCANT —  Imperial propaganda minister Darth Shapiro has issued a scathing attack on rebellion hero Lando Calrissian for “destroying galactic values and normalizing human-cyborg relations.”

Lando Calrissian and his rumored droid paramour

According to the diminutive sith acolyte, Lando has been “shoving hedonistic pro-droid values in our faces for decades. He thinks because he wears a cape it makes him cool? It makes him a hero? Let me tell you something Mr. Calrissian, your Cloud City is a haven for rebel scum and degenerates. Now you’re in love with droids? They have no rights! You have no right sir! The Force doesn’t care about your feelings!”

Lando Calrissian and his rumored droid paramour
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Darth Shapiro has demanded that the Empire cancel all of Lando’s mining contracts and for imperial loyalists to stop spending credits at Calrissian owned establishments. “Every time we give an inch to this kind of unnatural relationship, our galaxy slips further into disorder. This is exactly the kind of disgusting chaos that the great Emperor Palpatine worked so hard to eradicate from our system.”

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