- Advertisement -

Monday, May 16, 2022

Dear Abbi-Wan: Should I Tell HR That My Supervisor Just Choked My Coworker to Death?

This week, I was contacted by someone who needs help navigating a workplace dispute. It’s always my pleasure to help people come together and solve their problems.

Dear Abbi-Wan,

I’m writing to you  in hopes that you can provide me some guidance in a workplace dispute my coworkers and I are having with our supervisor. The dispute is over whether or not he should be choking us to death when we “fail” him. When I started here, I had heard rumors he was tough to work with, but he wasn’t going around murdering people for minor mess-ups back then either.

- Advertisement -

Just the other day, he choked someone out because they dropped out of hyperspace too close to a secret rebel base we were about to attack. Don’t get me wrong, I understand being peeved that we dropped out so close to the planet that the Rebels got advanced warning of our attack, but it’s hard for me to justify my coworker literally having the life choked out of him as punishment.

I used to say it’s not that big a deal because he’d only use his mind powers — did I mention he uses some kind of sorcerous ways to do it? — to kill people who really, truly betrayed the Empire.

That’s not the case anymore.

- Advertisement -

The other day, he got so upset when my friend didn’t laugh at his joke about how terrible sand is (I mean, none of us get his OBSESSION with hating sand and making fun of it all the time), and my boss killed him! 

I’ve lost six coworkers because they forgot to clock out for their lunch! All he’d have to do is fix their punches, but he said he “finds their lack of consistency disturbing” and had to choke them to death instead. He even killed poor Darth Billy on Deck 24 for accidentally eating his lunch one day!

But when you only label your food with your first name, and put your lunch bag right next to someone else’s bag with the same name, what do you expect might happen? I swear, it’s almost like he’s some twisted, evil, murderous psychopath underneath that mask and armor, but I don’t want to make any assumptions.

Do you think we should go to HR about his choices that are setting up a hostile and choke-y work environment?

I’m not sure what to do, and sure could use your help!

- Advertisement -


Trapped With a Lunatic


Dear Trapped,

Yeesh! This sounds like a tough one. Generally, though, I like to advise people to try and work things out with each other, before involving HR, so as to keep someone from losing their means to make a living if that need not be. I think you and your co-workers should set up a meeting with your supervisor first. Just air your grievances, and let him air his. Maybe, perhaps, that’s all that’s needed, and the air can be cleared.

It’s not like your boss can murder an entire room of you and your coworkers with his “sorcerous” methods with impunity, right? What a funny joke I just made!

MORE NEWS: Darth Vader Denies Killing Ten Star Destroyer Captains in Workplace Dispute


Abbi-Wan Yaknowbi is a Force-certified personal therapist and life coach. Abbi-Wan can be reached with your questions at [email protected]