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Monday, May 16, 2022

Moff Andy Ngo’s New Book Is About How the Rebel Alliance Are The Real Fascists

“Moff Ngo’s continued insistence on fabricating lies to scare galactic citizens into supporting the brutal Imperial regime is shameful.” – Mon Mothma

In his new book entitled, “Unmasked: Inside The Alliance’s Radical Plan to Destroy Imperial Order,” Imperial Moff Andy Ngo makes the case that the Rebel Alliance, not the Galactic Empire, are the “real fascists.”

“The Empire provides order to the galaxy’s chaotic, natural state. The Rebel Alliance seeks to upend that order with the argument that the violence, coercion, enslavement, and even genocide perpetrated by the Emperor is somehow bad,” Ngo writes in the pages of his tome. “However, I can confirm, through my reporting, the hypocrisy of a rebellion that steals from the Empire and then uses that stolen information to destroy Imperial property that cost trillions of credits to design, develop, and construct.”

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Ngo has been criticized in the past for his biased writings that always attempt to cast the Alliance in as bad a light as possible. He has been caught several times grossly exaggerating, if not wholly fabricating the facts of stories in order to garner sympathy for the Empire. In such famous case, Ngo came under fire for insinuating that Princess Leia herself chose her home planet of Alderaan for destruction by the Death Star’s primary weapon.

“Unmasked” is out now.

“I’m told by sources really close to the situation that it was under Leia Organa’s direct orders that the Death Star’s destructive power be tested on Alderaan,” Ngo insisted, “and my source would never lie, no matter how much he’s given over the Dark Side of the Force. The bottom line, he tells me, is that if Organa didn’t want her planet destroyed, she could have chosen a better target, a military target, but she refused to name the system.”

Mon Mothma, one of the Alliance’s known leaders, issued a statement today lambasting Ngo, his book, and its titular insistence that the rebels are fascists.

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“While it’s entirely possible that what the Rebel Alliance is today could, I guess, conceivably become the very unforgiving, authoritarian regime it seeks to destroy in the Empire,” Mothma wrote, “it simply is not at this time. Moff Ngo’s continued insistence on fabricating lies to scare galactic citizens into supporting the brutal Imperial regime is shameful, and he should sit in the corner and think about what he’s done for at least an hour.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.