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Saturday, October 23, 2021

Palpatine Admonished for Sending Unrequested Shaft Pics

CORUSCANT — The Imperial Senate has issued a warning to Emperor Sheev Palpatine, asking that he please stop sending pictures of various shafts he sees around the galaxy to Imperial engineers, unless previously requested.

During a session of the Session, Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan brought a privileged resolution to a vote, asking the legislative body to admonish Palpatine. Organa alleges that for weeks Emperor Palpatine has been going on inspections of the various Imperial military installations throughout the galaxy. If he comes across a shaft or chasm that he thinks needs addressing, Palpatine has been simply texting a picture of the shaft to the Imperial engineer corps, with direct demands to put up higher guard rails around them.

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“You will find that it is you who are mistaken,” Palpatine says in one shaft pic’s text message, “if you think I haven’t noticed that our bases have a lot of very high up places with shafts that lead to Plagueis-knows-where. Why we insist on having this long shafts with no protection from falling I’ll never understand. It has always been official Imperial policy that all shafts require protection at all times.”

Organa did not contest Palpatine’s “right and power” to address the safety standards of the various shafts around the galaxy. However, he said that Palpatine “might cause a resource allocation problem” if he continues to send so many shaft pics to the engineering corps. Sen. Organa’s motion doesn’t carry any penalties if Palpatine ignores it, but that’s not the point, according to the Alderaanian.

“Clearly as the Emperor he is entitled to draw our attention to anything he sees fit. Obviously, we have no real power to stop him,” Organa admitted. “This resolution, though, is a necessary entry in the record. All we are asking Emperor Palpatine to do is to limit how many shaft pics he sends out, and to let the imperial engineers handle them one shaft at a time. It’s only thing that’s fair and most respectful to them.”

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Emperor Palpatine did not comment on this story, as he was too busy taking picture of another shaft to send to the engineer corps.


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.