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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Palpatine Says Anti-Jedi Seuss Books Should Still Be Printed

“The anti-Jedi stuff is the only stuff kids should be reading anyway.” – Emperor Sheev Palpatine

CORUSCANT — Emperor Palpatine, in a new interview with One Imperial News, said that if it were up to him, he would demand that books — containing explicitly anti-Jedi imagery and stereotypes written by famous youngling book author Doktohr Seuss — would continue to be published “with no changes whatsoever.”

“I just realized that it actually is up to me. You know, as Emperor, to decide, well, all the things. I’m the decider,” Palpatine said quite smugly. “So, I think I may just send a holo to some certain far-left, overly woke, social justice rebel book publishers and order them to continue printing all Seuss books, no matter what.”

MORE: Vader Pledges to Uphold Palpatine’s “Empire First” Agenda

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In recent days, there has been a bit of a kerfuffle on social media throughout the galaxy regarding books written in the early parts of Doktohr Seuss’ career. Seuss was quite open about those times in his life, and said in an interview before his death that most of the objectionable content he produced back then was at the request of one benefactor in particular.

That patron, it turned out, wanted to remain anonymous.

“I was approached by a man, looking all scary and vo-vuppity. He was cloaked and choked like a Meepmop Madoke,” Seuss explained in the interview, “He a wore dark robe and dark hood, which he kept over his evil-bevil face!”

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The stranger spoke in “low gravely-go-gavely tones” Seuss said. He ordered Seuss to create a series of books about how bad the Jedi were, and he gave Seuss all sorts of epithets, slurs, and insults to use to describe them. For a period of about two years, Seuss created the anti-Jedi propaganda, but later apologized for it.

“If you ask me,” Palpatine told OIN, “the anti-Jedi stuff is the only stuff kids should be reading anyway. I’ve been personally anti-Jedi my whole life. So what? What’s the big whoop?”

MORE: Imperial Senator Jonrohnson Says Rebels Dressed as Stormtroopers Attacked Echo Base

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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