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Sunday, November 28, 2021

Pro-Sith Social Media Site Parler Is Back Online

At the end of last orbit, the pro-Sith social media site Parler had difficulties finding a host for their service after several of its members’ posts started calling for the mass extinction of Jedi and anyone else who stood in the way of Emperor Palpatine’s “Make the Empire Great Again” agenda. Web host after web host dropped them under pressure from market forces that demanded Parler do more to keep threats of terror and violence off its platform. For a time, it seemed like Parler, which had become an online home for the Alt-Imp, might never come back online.

Until, that is, just a few hours ago.

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“At Parler, we’ve always prided ourselves on being pro-free speech. Which means we’re the home of speech that certain pro-Republic snowflakes don’t want to hear,” Parler wrote in a statement today. “We always knew that some brave company somewhere would take a chance on us again. We’re proud to announce that Parler is back online, and we won’t be going anywhere, any time soon.”

Across the galaxy, conservative, right-wing, pro-Sith politicians and media figure hailed Parler’s return.

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“Oh, I’m afraid that Parler will be quite operational, when my supporters arrive,” Emperor Palpatine told Outer Rim News today. “Now that we have vanquished big tech’s attempts to silence the Sith and those who believe in our values, things are proceeding as I have foreseen them.”

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Palpatine’s right hand, Lord Darth Vader hailed Parler’s return as a “chance to restore order to the social media galaxy.”

“Parler should never have gone offline, and as soon as I hunt down the rebel scum who stole the passwords and brought it down in the first place,” Vader insisted, “I will bring about swift retribution for their crimes.”

Dan Bongino – CEO of Parler

Dan Bongino, who some might recognize as one of the giant foreheaded Bith who played in the Mos Eisley cantina, is a majority stakeholder in Parler and called its return a “triumph for fascism and Imperialism.”

“We will make the Empire Great Again. We will own the Rebs, and we will put the Empire First without any apologies,” Bongino told his podcast audience today. “So whether you’re a Sith or just a Sith sympathizer, come join the action on Parler, where we won’t censor you, even if you call for the systematic slaughtering of innocent people. Hell, ESPECIALLY if you do.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and