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Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Tatooine Veterinarian Tells The Sarlacc He’s Developed a Food Allergy to Mandalorian Armor

“Of course, unless he plans on eating a Mandalorian in full armor any time soon, this is just for his own edification.”

In the Dune Sea on Tatooine lies the Pit of Carkoon. In the pit, the Sarlacc monster dwells. Locals know not to get anywhere near the Sarlacc Pit any time near the hours its most hungry. They also have come to appreciate that the Sarlacc — “Sarly” as he’s known best to his friend and doctor — lets them dump their uneaten food and refuse down his massive, gaping maw, which saves them hundreds in credits each year on dumping fees and manages climate change a little better.

Today, Sarly got word from doctor, a veterinarian with decades of experience on the desert planet taking care of its various and sundry critters and creatures, that he’s developed a rather unique food allergy, prompting him to let Tatooinians know they’ll need to be a little more careful about what they dump down his throat.

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“When most monsters of Sarly’s species get to a certain age, they start developing some food sensitives and even allergies,” Dr. Bunncin Honaydiew told us today. “So I don’t think Sarly has too much to be concerned about here. Still, he should probably really limit his Mandalorian intake, for the sake of his own GI tracts.”

According to Dr. Honaydiew, Sarly has developed a rather acute allergy to Mandalorian armor. He’s unsure if it’s the saliva or the dander of the Mandalorian that makes their armor so toxic to Sarly’s system, but he’s told his patient to really severely cut back on how much Mando meat he consumes in the mean time.

“The problem for Sarly is that his digestive system takes so darn long to work. We’re talking a thousand generations,” Dr. Honaydiew explained. “So he eats something he’s allergic to, and he’ll be belching, puking, and diarrhea-ing up a storm, medically speaking, for at least a couple hundred generations. As we say in my field, YOWZA!”

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Given how most Mandalorian citizens these days don’t venture off their home world so much, Dr. Honaydiew admitted he might just be giving Sarly information he needs, but doesn’t feel so relevant at the moment.

“Of course, unless he plans on eating a Mandalorian in full armor any time soon,” the doctor says with a laugh, “this is just for his own edification.”

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