“You will find that it is the troops who will be entertained, by a great many things.” – Emperor Sheev Palpatine
After the stinging defeat at Yavin IV, the Emperor knows that his troops are in desperate need of a morale boost. Having lost untold hundreds of thousands of their fellow conscripted brothers and sisters in the Death Star’s destruction, now more than ever Palpatine understands the importance of buoying the spirits of his fighting force.
In an effort to do just that, Palpatine announced today that he has authorized the creation of a new branch of service, the Showtroopers, with a singular mission — entertain the troops. To facilitate their succeeding in their mission, the Showtroopers will travel with the Imperial Service Organizations and put on shows at various military installations throughout the galaxy. In addition to announcing the Showtroopers, Palpatine gave everyone the date of the very first such ISO show.
“Even though everything is proceeding as I have foreseen it,” Palpatine said during his announcement holo, “the Rebels have put a dent in our troops’ morale by destroying our beloved Death Star, which again, I TOTALLY SAW COMING, and for that they must pay. I will not submit to the woke barbarians and their cancel culture by apologizing for building a weapon of genocide. Not now, not ever.”
Pop star droid sensation Justin BB-8 will head up and all-star lineup for the very first ISO show. A rep for Justin BB-8 said he’s “super stoked” to be asked to perform, and hopes to do a duet with Sy Snootles, whose jizz work he says was “totes inspiraysh” to his own musical development. Palpatine promised that this show will be one for the ages.
“You will find that it is the troops who will be entertained,” Palpatine said, “by a great many things. I have spared no expense in the design of the Showtroopers specialized uniforms and armor. They are the finest dancers in the galaxy, and are sure to give our servicemen and women the show they deserve. Or they will be executed by Lord Vader. All of them.”